Script 19 · from the Firm & Fair Playbook
What to say when a good employee threatens to quit
Don’t answer on the spot, and don’t answer angry. Thank them, use the time they gave you, and find out what’s behind it:
“Thanks for telling me straight, instead of just leaving. I’m not going to answer tonight, because you deserve a real answer, not a panicked one. What’s behind it, besides the money?”
Then decide on an offer you could defend to everyone else on your staff, and give a straight answer on the day you said.
The situation
Jasmine has run the toddler room at your childcare center for three years, and parents ask for her by name. Thursday after pickup, she tells you the center on Route 9 offered her $2.50 more an hour and an assistant director title. “Match it by Monday, or I’m giving my notice.” Without her, you don’t have the staff to keep the toddler room at full enrollment.
Before you talk
- Don’t answer Thursday, and don’t answer angry. She gave you until Monday. Use it.
- Find out what it’s really about. Money is usually only part of it. If the real reason is the schedule, a coworker or you, a raise buys a few months, and then she leaves anyway. If it’s a coworker’s comments, that’s a complaint, and it’s bigger than the raise: how to handle an employee complaint.
- Think past her. Pay doesn’t stay secret, and it isn’t supposed to: people are allowed to talk about what they make. Whatever you give her, assume the other leads know by Friday, and make sure it’s something you could defend to every one of them.
- Ask yourself one hard question: would you have given this raise if she hadn’t said she’d leave? If yes, you’re late, and you can say so. If no, matching it teaches the whole staff how raises work here.
- Plan for the room before you sit down: who covers, and how fast you could hire. Owners make bad deals when they’re panicking about coverage.
- Know what you can’t promise, like a director job that doesn’t exist or a raise next year. If you don’t control it, it isn’t an offer.
- Nobody’s being disciplined here. Whatever she decides, the ask shouldn’t follow her around.
The first words
You“Thanks for telling me straight, instead of just leaving. I’m not going to answer tonight, because you deserve a real answer, not a panicked one. What’s behind it, besides the money?”
What they’ll say, and what you say
They“It’s mostly the money. And the title.”
You“Is anything here pushing you out? If you go, I’d rather know the real reason than guess at it.”
Monday, when you give your answer:
They“So did you decide?”
You“I did. I can do a dollar fifty, starting this pay period. I can’t match the title. We don’t have that job, and I’m not going to make one up to keep you.”
They“They’re offering two fifty.”
You“I know. I can’t go there without being unfair to the other leads. If two fifty is what you need, I understand, and you’ll leave on good terms.”
The Playbook’s full script also covers the real reason she gives you and what you change because of it, the promise she asks for next and what you offer instead, and what to do if it turns: if the real reason is a coworker, if she gets angry, if she takes the other job, if she comes back in six months with another offer.
Never say
- “Fine. Then go.”Why: You lose a good teacher to a flash of pride, and everyone on your staff learns that asking about pay gets you shown the door.
- “Don’t tell anyone what I’m giving you.”Why: Employees have the right to talk about their pay. Asking her to hide it is the kind of rule that gets owners in trouble. Give a raise you could explain to everyone.
Write it down the same day
- Thursday night: the date, what she asked for, the offer she described, and what’s behind it, in her words.
- Monday: what you offered, the amount and start date, any other change you agreed to, the date of your next talk about pay, and her answer.
- If she resigns, accept it in writing and confirm her last day, with a resignation acceptance letter. If she stays, put the next pay talk on the calendar before you leave the building.
The Firm & Fair Playbook
This is part of Script 19 in the Firm & Fair Playbook. The full script has every beat, what to do if it turns, what never to say, and what to write down the same day.
32 conversations, word for word, 18 templates with a filled-in example each, and Quick Cards for your phone.
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See what’s insideQuestions owners ask
Should I match a competing job offer?
Ask yourself one hard question first: would you have given this raise if they hadn’t said they’d leave? If yes, you’re late, and you can say so. If no, matching it teaches the whole staff how raises work here. Whatever you give, assume the rest of your staff knows by Friday, so make it something you could defend to every one of them. In the Playbook’s script, the owner offers a dollar fifty of the two fifty, no title, and says plainly why.
What if they want a promotion or a title, too?
Don’t make one up to keep them. If you don’t control it, it isn’t an offer. A promise about “someday” is a promise about a job that doesn’t exist. When someday never comes, they leave anyway, angrier, and you’ve made a promise somebody can hold you to.
What if an employee keeps threatening to quit?
Look at how the first one was answered. If the raise came only because they said they’d leave, it taught the whole staff how raises work here. From now on, answer every ask the same way: not on the spot, with something you could defend to everyone, on the day you said. The Playbook’s full script has the words for the second offer, six months later. If it’s a raise you can’t afford, that talk has its own script.
Related
- The raise you can’t afford They asked for more than you can pay: what you can do, why, and a real date to revisit.
- The top performer nobody can stand Your top earner is the one nobody can work with: correct the conduct, keep the results.
- The one who acts like they own the place A long-timer making calls that are yours. How to draw the lines and keep the caring.
- Resignation acceptance letter The same-day letter that confirms the last day, the final pay and what comes back.
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Take Script 1 with you.
The complete first conversation as a PDF to keep, and the full contents of the Playbook. Then four short emails over eleven days: two more hard conversations, the four moves behind every script, and what’s in the full Playbook.
Not legal advice. Practical wording and process guidance for business owners, written for workplaces in the United States. For a specific situation, talk to an employment attorney licensed in your state.